love? or a greedy behavior

Have you ever liked yet again loved someone that you have never really gotten to know? Most would say no. But my life is totally opposite.most people can find love fairly easy. I cannot. The main problem..... I'm much different than every other guy. What I'm trying to say is that my greedy heart is overcoming my brain and leading me to believe love will never find me! then when I finally find some, I feel like I fall in love with them. When actually in fact its only a minor crush. I hate that feeling!!!! I want love to find me and finally make me happy. But that must be something too hard to ask for?? It makes me really cotemplate my plans being here! Am I here just to find a fake love, and never to find one?? I just want to find one and "truely be happy"! I fall so hard for these fake love's that when there over, I practically kill myself over it! I don't undserstand why I'm falling so deeply in love why can't I do it for real! I just want someone to hold and always be there for me! Yea, friends will always be there, but only your true friends. When you have very few "TRUE" friends its hard to have someone to go to! Love is a powerful and captivating experience and I shall only wish to experience it myself. I hope soon and VERY soon, I can experience it.

I love ya guys,
Matthew :)