I'm Still Alive!

So yea, its been a long time since I've last written, and even longer since I've actually posted something on my blog. Because of that I am sorry, and feel obligated to fill you guys in on everything going on in my life including life, school, love, family and everything including A-Z. Since I've last posted my life has been pretty good. A GIANT improvement, and there hasn't been too much to really complain about.  I can admit I have dropped the ball on the whole college thing. I had my horse blinders on to this one school and went balls to the wall and truly thought it was the best school for me. Come to find out, it really wasn't the best route for me and decided to not go. I got accepted and everything! The main reason I backed out was because I wouldn't graduate with a degree or anything, and god forbid I don't make it as an air traffic controller, then I have something to fall back on. Now, I am looking at Community College of Beaver County with a degree in Air Traffic Management with a focus on Terminal ATC. I really need to get back on course with all of this but it's rather difficult because I need $500 for the application fee and then the extra money to travel up to Pittsburgh.  Me and my parents intend to visit in late April during my Spring Break! So that's a little time away and I'm more than confident that I can save the money. But on a closer level, high school is going well. Well, minus the incredible amount of douchebags that go to my school. But, I get out of school at noon everyday so I can't really complain. I make pretty good grades because of it...2 A's and 1 B and my G.P.A. is boosting because of it.  Okay, before I start tooting my horn you have to understand the people at my school. They try to make life AS DIFFICULT AS POSSIBLE. I think they get a sexual high off of talking shit and making school suck even more than it does. I'm lucky that it normally doesn't get to me. I have done ALOT better this year than previous years keeping my anger in check. I'm not sure why but it doesn't get under my skin as much, but whatever happened (probably grew the fuck up) I'm very glad it happened! But, it may be due to the fact that in a few months I'll be done! Then I can move and choose who I have to see on a daily basis, and because I am SO ready to get out of drama filled high school...it will be AMAZING! What some people don't see is that when you grow up, you're supposed to mature. Sadly, not many of the kids I go to school with have learned this yet. For instance, this happened a few days ago which kind of made me laugh. This kid ATTEMPTED to make fun of me and point out my successes and label themselves (in my book) as failures! So...I got into a conversation with this hoodlum in my class that had the NERVE to tell me (oh wait, it gets good) that MY life sucked because I don't drink, I don't smoke, and I sure as hell don't do drugs. Oh yea, that's TOTAL suckage right there. I am not afraid what so ever to admit that I don't do drugs, or drink, or smoke! I've told MANY people that I don't do that, and if you don't like the fact that I don't oh fucking well. Turn your back and move on! *waves* But what I do find sad is the fact that if you don't fit in with people's criminalistic (is that a word?) behaviors then you get tossed out like the trash! I'm lucky that I grew up with a good family, good parents, and was taught good things. My parents ALWAYS tell me how blessed they are that I was a good kid and still am to this day.  I'd rather be different and be free then conform and be in jail. On a more creepy/funny/ew story that I'll NEVER forget this guy TOTALLY freaked me out.  First off his name was Mason, and he really liked me. Not anymore, haha. Well here goes the story.  He invited me over Wednesday (Feb 23) after school. Me, not having anything better to do I went. UGH! Longest drive ever!!! It was legit an hour drive away. So, I get there and since he wasn't supposed to have people over and his grandma was coming over he put me in his room and shut the door, and left.  Right then, I wanted to get up and leave! But since I'm nice and the drive was the longest I've done to see one person, I stayed.  So about 5 or so minutes later he comes back and lays down on his bed. Which by the way is about the size of an infants crib. But, at this time I'm just awkwardly sitting on the edge of the bed not talking but just sitting there. Why? Because his room was an atrocity. There were food plates, cups, soda cans, and his bed was so messy. Don't forget the Hollister and Abercrombie bags cut up with the guys bodies hanging on his walls. TACKY!  OMG, I'm just thinking of this but I should report him to HGTV's worst room in America. That'd be funny. I digress so much in this! ADD much? Back on track now...once he laid down on his bed he begged me to lay down with him and cuddle. For those of you that don't know what cuddle means in gay....be glad! By this time, he had asked me like 6730637 times to lay back, and I get annoyed very easily. So I REALLY just wanted him to SHUT UP so I laid back. UH! Bad move! He put his arm around me and I instantly felt grossed out.  He then put his leg over mine and then I felt REALLY trapped. I'm highly claustrophobic  and I literally almost freaked out.  Not including the fact that some guy I was meeting for the first time was trying to get into my pants. No hun, I'm a classy bitch! NOT happening! So I just left. He went out of the room, and you bet I seized that opportunity to get the fuck up out of there. He left, and I started putting my shoes on.  He came back right in the middle of me tying my shoes and I was like "fuck" inside my head of course (remember...classy bitch) and yea.  I almost forgot to tell y'all about my highly unbelievable excuse to leave.  Since I had to babysit my little cousins that I had to babysit that sit (he knew that I had to) I made up some excuse saying I had to pick them up from school.  I know for A FACT that he didn't believe it, and honestly didn't and still don't care.  I just wanted to leave. It's a definite moment in life that you wish you could take back! But no, that would be too easy, and you wouldn't be amused by my misery if I could just take it back. But yea, bringing this back up brings back the gross feeling I had back then SO! moving on. Well, I'm not really sure what else to talk about and since its almost 2am I feel like I should end this! I am going to make a conscience effort to update this more often. I PROMISE! Follow me, so you'll know when I post more stuff! I hope I didn't waste too much of y'alls time! I'm sure atleast one of you guys enjoyed it. I mean, c'mon who doesn't like a little insight of the life of someone else!

Bye Bye for now!



- Matthew Montgomery <3

My stupid heart...

I let my heart get broken like a flimsy twig.
its always back to ground zero,
only for my heart to try and repair.
only if my heart could talk...
it would say "leave me be" for I need to rest.
but my brain is here to overcome the thought..
my heart has no say...
it lays there helplessly hoping to be heard.
......
hoping for that one day, for the heart to stop having to sigh, and to hope this lasts...
for that one day it will last a lifetime. 
My heart and mind want this day to be the day.
but we know, that true love comes with time.
to be satisfied without the time, is nearly a waste of time.
my heart will wait for the moment that will sweep me off my feet.

Never Once in My Life

...
have I seen such a magnificent child.
Hair flowing with the air.
Skin as beautiful as a late noon sunset.
Georgeous eyes that appear of pure greatness.
Such a child deserves more honor than to be
just acknowleged.
Most people don't view the same man I treuly believe
is magnificent from head to toe.
People have no idea that I truely feel this way.
If they knew they would only judge
so its better to just sit and fake.
If the world wasn't such a cruel place
we could be in a happy place.
Since we must sit and fake all of this make no sense.
If I told you about the real me you would
finally see the "REAL" me.
Judge me if you wish for I shall not care.
I know that I love my life,
love my love,
and don't care what the world thinks.
Haters are to hate and feast on the problems
of the world.
Which the good hearted and loving men
of the world love and laugh.

Sit and Wonder....

I sit and Wonder....
Wonder what it would be like
If me and him could be together.
I wonder if he feels it too.
The magnificent man, just sits and gazes,
As I stare in pure amazement.
His minor imperfections don't matter a thing, cause all I care about is his amazing mind.
Is it sad I sit and gaze, without the phrase I wish he say. The 3 words "I love you!" Are all I dare wish he say. Kiss me on my stubborn lips.
Make my heart whole again.
Hold my hand and walk with me as my heart gets fixed again.
Leave me and I'll never live the life I had before. Touch me here, love me there, be in my heart everywhere.

As you have just read this, it is about a person that truely means a lot to me! This one person is all I think about. :)

Matthew (MATEO)

The past couple of days have been rough. All the stuff that's going that most people don't know about is really started to take its toll on me. There are only a few people in my life that actually understand my life. Its a lot of drama and stuff that just keeps me down. Like I said in my last blog the things in my life are these "fake loves". I told myself to not to let them get to me but my FOOLISH brain let's them do it! It happened and then my heart was broken. I got really really sad and started to hate this person! I can't belie that I even thought I could hate them. I have fallen head over heels for one of these fake loves. What is going wrong that makes me do this?? I never know when its real or when its fake. I only wish that I could take things slow. But its almost impossible for me, I wish there was like this implanted reminder to take it slow, because I honestly want to but just simply forget! I just have the WANT that is coming up as a NEED to have love. I have no clue why I want this but its just something that I dream about and want this. I just only hope that I don't get played and became one of those that get broken hearted and torn into a million pieces!

love? or a greedy behavior

Have you ever liked yet again loved someone that you have never really gotten to know? Most would say no. But my life is totally opposite.most people can find love fairly easy. I cannot. The main problem..... I'm much different than every other guy. What I'm trying to say is that my greedy heart is overcoming my brain and leading me to believe love will never find me! then when I finally find some, I feel like I fall in love with them. When actually in fact its only a minor crush. I hate that feeling!!!! I want love to find me and finally make me happy. But that must be something too hard to ask for?? It makes me really cotemplate my plans being here! Am I here just to find a fake love, and never to find one?? I just want to find one and "truely be happy"! I fall so hard for these fake love's that when there over, I practically kill myself over it! I don't undserstand why I'm falling so deeply in love why can't I do it for real! I just want someone to hold and always be there for me! Yea, friends will always be there, but only your true friends. When you have very few "TRUE" friends its hard to have someone to go to! Love is a powerful and captivating experience and I shall only wish to experience it myself. I hope soon and VERY soon, I can experience it.

I love ya guys,
Matthew :)

A Just State of Being

Dear Blog Readers,

As this being my first blog I'm going to introduce myself to y'all! I'm 16 years old and live in Charleston, SC. My dream job which I plan on pursuing is to become an Air Traffic Controller. I plan on getting my certifications with the FAA all throughout college. Ok! Time to actually start blogging my feelings! So...here we go!

Hate! Some people say that hate is such a strong word! To me, hate is just another word. Some people may take it to far and go over the limit and really hurt someone with a word but If your going to do that it seems senseless. Hurting someone just to do it seems quite pointless to me! Why would you want to hurt someone just knowing that you could. Example, my cousin Madison(8 years old) is rude to everyone that walks in front of your face! I have been staying with her and her mom for about a month now! It has been pretty miserable seeing as how that she has been a complete ASS HOLE ever since I arrived. I know that everyone has limits and this little girl knows how to push someone over the limit! Just like anyone else in this world I can only handle so much rudeness! It comes to a point where it just has gone on for long enough! Where it starts to really annoy you and it really starts to get your nerves on edge. The reason I get so hyped up is that her mom never disciplines her! I know I would and just about everyone else that grew up with strict parents would have torn their ass up! See now this little one has gone through some hard times in her life! Her parents are going through a brutal divorce and all of that! But still if she would have been taught the right ways to do things she would not be acting like this at such an older age. My thoughts are that if you are going to teach your children not to be courteous and polite citizens of America than why should you have kids? People that are rude and inconsiderate are not normally successful people! If you are reading this and this fits your life I challenge you to change the ways your living and live a live that is pleasant!

Sincerely,
Matthew Montgomery
mb.montgomery@comcast.net